Saturday, August 9, 2008

5 Ugliest Laptops in the World

The Five Ugliest Laptops

Today we have here a list of the most ridiculous, sickening, and retina burning laptops available on the market to date. These gadgets of gross don’t even uphold the old adage that beauty is skin deep; nothing about these computers is even remotely attractive. If these laptops were women, and I had to rate them on a scale from one to ten, I would be projectile vomiting my lunch and possibly a lung prior to be able to think of an answer. So with that said lets get started with the superficiality.

La Vie G Hello Kitty model

This laptop features Japan’s most beloved feline Hello Kitty. And it seems that this cat has been taking lessons from Mr. T, judging by the fact that the laptop is literally dripping in bling, boasting a jaw dropping and bank account depleting 299 Swarovski crystals. The crystals on the laptop, developed by Sanrio Co., are used in copious quantities to create four hearts, the cat’s head sporting a pink bow, and to top it all off a crown.

The feline furnished laptop is available for a staggering $1,650 by Internet order only in Japan. The laptop is being advertised as “dazzling and gorgeous like a jewelry box,” and this claim seems to be true as the actual hardware is limited as well, and comes with the Windows Vista operating system, a gig of memory, and a 100-gigabyte hard disk drive.

24 Karat gold plated MacBook Pro

Steve Jobs would shutter at the very thought of this golden behemoth. The contents of the machine are the same, however the glitterized outside will set you back a pretty penny in the form of an additional $1200 - $1500, depending on gold price fluctuations. Adding this 24 Karat gold plated block to your Apple will take from two to four weeks. In addition, if the gold plating doesn’t complete your insatiable hunger for all things shiny, you can choose a diamond studded logo to replace the well known apple on the back of every MacBook.

Acer Aspire 5920

The Aspire 5920 might make one think that the only paint available to them was gray, and they used enough of it to make even an elephant jealous. Poor color choice aside, this drab piece of computing possesses some undoubtedly atrocious design touches. The unit was supposedly crafted with assistance from the folks at BMW Design Works, but it looks like a child single-handedly designed this notebook using only a gray crayon. All in all the Aspire 5920 is hideous, and the opening mechanism styled after a door handle does not add beauty in any form to the unsightly exterior.

If you thought the outside seemed in dire need of some help, wait until you see what the inside has to offer in terms of horrific styling. The BMW team attempted to recreate a car’s center console with the incorporation of shortcut keys on opposing ends of the main keyboard, but it appears the console did not crossover as well as they or I would of liked. The left panel of buttons is dedicated to activation of Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, launching a browser and email client. To the immediate left of these semi-useful buttons lies a blank dummy button commonly found in cars, thus leading me to believe that folks over at BMW should stick to making cars.

A lone USB port sits about 1mm away from the optical drive, making it so that if anything is inserted into the USB port the drive tray is blocked from opening. The trackpad is so wide that while typing you will find your palms pressing on parts of the touchpad involuntarily.

Alienware Aurora m9700

The Alienware Aurora m9700 is a gaming notebook to the extreme, and fashion’s worst nightmare. Processing power on this monster drives the $1800 price tag, but what it lacks on the outside isn’t quite made up by the power on the inside. First off this computer is massive, weighing in at roughly eleven pounds, so carrying around this masterpiece of ugly is not an easy task. The screen may be a nice a 17” widescreen LCD outputting a native resolution of 1920x1200 pixels with Clearview Technology, but it hardly makes up for the exterior of this monstrosity. The not so compact notebook has ribbed edging on the exterior. The black keyboard and beige interior clearly leave something to be desired as well.


This laptop clearly reveals the reason why notebooks should not be modeled after mock missile command stations. Not only does it possess jagged hot keys, but also has a giant red button that would surely make lugging around this unpleasant excuse for a computer nearly impossible. Spec-wise the innards aren’t much more appealing. It has a 1.6GHz AMD mobile Sempron 3200+ processor, 1GB of DDR2 RAM, 80 - 100GB hard drive, dual-layer DVD burner, 802.11 a/b/g and a FeliCa port.

As you can see, the TYPE-N01 is decked out in all sorts of scary looking garb, including a red button and what may be a fingerprint scanner. The TYPE-N01 will be available to every fashion lacking nerd wanting to own their own missile silo at a modest price below $1500. But there’s more! This is a limited production run, with just 300 units being made. This system is for you, if you like useless and overly stupid buttons such as “a self destruct button” and tons of horrible stickers.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

wow some intense laptops

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